Popularity

Like the ridiculous Internet harlot I am I use Facebook to abuse and insult my peers. Some of those very peers invited me to an application that rates your characteristics via a series of questions for them to answer comparing you with other friends of theirs. Like the good sport I am I started comparing my friends too because nothing say mutual friendship like preferring somebody else's suitability in a particular area.

Recently my spam filter started catching e-mails from this application that inform you of either "Your Hottest Friends", your current standing or your change in standing. Now my current standing isn't that important because my top places would include bragging about myself. I love to do this but doesn't make for interesting commentary. My hottest friends are none of your business (also I feel to that it's somewhat inaccurate because some people don't know attractive when they see it). However, my change in standing is far more interesting. Not because it says I'm cooler or prettier than other people but because it says whether I'm more or less cool or pretty than before.

(Disclaimer: I have neither been cool nor pretty in my entire existence, they were examples.)

I read one a few weeks ago and came up with some ridiculous ideas. Later on (read: After I deleted the e-mail) I realised that it would amuse me to put those ideas into prose. The next one came around today and I would like to share my thoughts. I will continue to share these thoughts so long as I feel they're interesting and so long as it isn't the same old story.

So without further ado:

For best dancer I gained 1 place.

It's true in the past month I have been tearing up the rule book on dance. I dominated the dance floor last Friday for example. It must be said this was under the extreme influence of alcohol. It was hilarious, at least the parts I can genuinely remember.

For person with the best taste in music I lost 1 place.

Naturally as time moves on and my interest in Punk, Blues, Jazz, Hip Hop, Trip Hop, Ska, Reggae, Soul, Folk, Grunge, Hardcore, Rock and Swing to name a few general areas where I am most captivated expands I am likely to conflict more and more with people who listen to Radio One as their only means to hear new music. The truth is old music is still new if you never heard it before. My musical taste is impeccable. I'm pretty sure my taste stayed where it was, other's judgement has lost a place.

For best listener I lost 1 place.

These are selfish times and I am no different. I have obviously become less and less interested in what other people have to say if it isn't "Tom you are my love, my light and my world, you are the Awesome King, will you marry me?". At which point I say no. It's just nice to hear.

For craziest I gained 1 place.

I must confess that I've been seeing this one for a while now. Up and up it goes. My mental stability is more and more in question every time these things come in. I was thinking of checking myself and go to a shrink. Except that they're money grabbing cunts and I of course am absolutely bloody bonkers.

For best dinner companion I lost 1 place.

This is natural. As my mental stability decreases I start throwing food around the restaurant the longer and longer it goes on of course the greater chance there is of me simply dropping trou at the table and shitting on the beautifully prepared food.