Mr. Southey's Miscellany

Ire-pril

2009-04-07T05:41:00.002+01:00

I haven't had a completely functional computer for weeks. Months possibly, I don't really know anymore. I know I'm even more likely to implode without shouting into the abyss of the internet. It's carthartic saying nothing to nobody. It's like talking to yourself. I could do that instead. Either way I look stupid.

Anyway, it's hard to know what to type after you get out of the habit of doing it. I'll make some open letters up later today so I can make nobody laugh.

I had a rant on the ol' collective where I used collective names for many types of animals as collective names for curse words. Answers on a postcard to:

Don't Care
PO Box 63873832056783223552945.7
Warmington-On-Sea

In Brief: Happy Endings

2009-01-13T10:54:00.000Z

No not massage parlour tricks!

If I see another happy ending on television I'm going to scream. If the on-off-on again-off again-on again protagonists get together to be a couple for the end of the final series of another show I'm going to kick a pony and piss in its face.

Life is not a circle. We do not spend life revisiting the exact same mistakes. We prefer veering off into similar mistakes with other people. It's a long path of disappointment and soul destroying burnt bridges that make you feel sad and ashamed. A life that teeters on the dreary edge of oblivion on a daily fucking basis and the thing that stops us is keeping our feet on the ground, distracting ourselves with details and ground-level drama. The last thing we need is to have some pointless show raise our hopes for a moment too long and have that lift be exploted by the whirlwind of shit that is your ridiculous and minuscule existence on the outer spiral arm of some forgotten galaxy in some barren universe of cunts.

Fuck You Francis Bacon

2009-01-06T22:03:00.003Z

"The Scripture saith, The fool hath said in his heart, there is no God; it is not said, The fool hath thought in his heart; so as he rather saith it by rote to himself, as that he would have, than that he can thoroughly believe it, or be persuaded of it; for none deny there is a God, but those for whom it maketh that there were no God. It appeareth in nothing more that atheism is rather in the lip than in the heart of man by this, that atheists will ever be talking of that their opinion, as if they fainted in it within themselves, and would be glad to be strengthened by the consent of others; nay more, you shall have atheists strive to get disciples, as it fareth with other sects; and, which is most of all, you shall have of them that will suffer for atheism, and not recant; whereas, if they did truly think that there were no such thing as God, why should they trouble themselves"

I'll refrain from archaic English as it will basically be mockery at this point.

The scripture might well say the fool has said in his heart there is no god. But the scripture says not to judge else you be judged. What you have levelled at atheists is that you're only an atheist because you have simply removed god from the equation. Something that that is easily shot back at anybody who believes in any god. They have simply added god to the equation.

Furthermore, he goes on to accuse atheism as looking for approval and preaching to recruit followers. What would Francis prefer to be accused of in regard to recruiting, irony or hypocrisy? People are creatures of community and look for their ilk wherever they go. As for the approval of Christians (in Bacon's case), is it too hard to expect that a set of people who are considered by the men with all the land, influence and privilege that they could stuff into their mitres as more evil than any other mortal thing in the bible for a spot of approval. Without seeking it they may well end up on the wrong side of burning stake.

He accuses atheism as all lip and no heart. Its true there's no heart to it because its a reasoned logic. You can't quantify god so it doesn't exist. You might well be able to feel it in your heart but then maybe you should shut up and leave others alone when they can't. As for the lip-service, you'd never notice a quiet atheist, the same way I never notice a quiet fundamentalist.

His final point is that some will endure suffering (imposed upon them by the followers, of what is described by them as, an all-loving and ever-loving god) for their atheism and that if they truly believe in no god they wouldn't bother to uphold that. When you suggest lies for so long to a populous it has been seen throughout history that the liars have had dissenters wanting to die for truth and die free of tyranny. Some have had few, some have had many and its only really the numbers that bear any significant progress to their point of view. Sometimes your lies and your subterfuge to get us to conform to your books and scripts pain us so far that some have to stand against it at the ultimate cost. Go fuck yourself Francis Bacon. You dead prat.

A Brief Point at 3am

2009-01-06T02:53:00.002Z

The fools that console us always say that time heals all wounds. That patience will bring you what you seek.

I have known for many years these words to be hollow.

Your wounds that have cut too deep will bleed you to death. Your sitting down to wait will not bring you what you always wanted. Wear your pain like a badge you wear under your jacket. It helps make you. Use it as a tool on your way through life. Let it inform you, but don't let it frighten you. Go and make it happen for yourself and be patient with the working rather than patient with the inaction.

Here's to licking old wounds.

Dear Kate Beckinsale

2008-12-24T12:59:00.003Z

Dear Kate Beckinsale,

I do not celebrate Christmas. I am an atheist to an admittedly extreme extent and so these celebrations mean nothing to me. However, I am willing to forsake it all and become a god-fearing Christian if you arrive in my bedroom tomorrow morning.

Now I'm not particularly fussy. I'm not asking for the costumes from Underworld or Van Helsing. That'd be flagrant abuse of the arrangement. However it is that you think you look pretty that will do for me. And bring those fascinating hazel eyes with you.

Even if you don't turn up I hope you personally enjoy your holiday. I must of course for appearances and continuity say the following:

Get your shit together.

Yours Faithfully,
Mr. Southey.

Dear Emotion-Bullies

2008-12-20T12:00:00.005Z

Dear Emotion-Bullies,

I call you bullies because you always think that your armchair psychology and anecdotal evidence are not only absolutely correct but also a substitute for good, old-fashioned common sense.

When people get angry it is your experience that they hate themselves because that's what you've managed to surround yourself with. In your mind it's definately not because some things are worth getting angry about. When people have low self esteem you always blame parents and you always seem to have a half-arsed solution that doesn't come anywhere near the years of toil and emotional auditing required for people to shed these chain from around their shoulders. Never mind that low self-esteem may well come from any human interaction where you are left completely undervalued.

You talk at great length without really making yourself clear about a subject you know little about and yet you still feel it is best to hand out advice to people who may genuinely be looking for solutions to the things that affect them most.

Please stop. Refer them to psychiatrists, even if they are a bunch of quacks. Some things cannot be done alone and if their friends can't help then the professionals may have a better shot than some middle-aged fool trolling the internet for desperate souls to devour.

Get your shit together.

Yours Faithfully,
Mr. Southey.

Dear idiots who don't know what they are talking about

2008-12-12T09:57:00.005Z

Dear idiots who don't know what they are talking about,

I know that you think you know what you're saying. Your confidence is almost charming. However, anybody with a rudimentary knowledge of everything such as myself knows you're just using words to glam up your point.

Stop using the word evolution for things that are not to do with speciation. Evolution is a very specific thing and the theory outlines that mistakes are not the cause of it. Only catastrophic mistakes interfere with evolution, otherwise it might well be survivable. You mean adaptation. Adaptation is a process of fitting to a new purpose or circumstance. It's a biological term too but it fits in with living behavior not simply genetic predisposition. Over using the word evolution helps to confuse those who don't understand it and elongates pointless scientific arguments with those that are not even remotely scientific.

Also, I beg of you, stop using the term relative in a way that you think is a wink to relativity. You mean comparative. Relativity is pretty specific too and I'd like you to stop touching my precious science. When something is relative to you, you are talking of comparison. When I talk of something relative it's about observing the universe with a dependence on my current velocity and position. There's a bit of a difference.

Finally stop using the word theory. You don't understand the word theory if you have no proof and call it a theory. When you say "I have a theory that all oranges are actually blue" or whatever bollocks it is you're coming up with that drug-addled day; you mean "I am postulating that all oranges are actually blue". This is very confusing for you I know but that is because you have no idea what you are talking about. I see this word misused by people postulating and by people dismissing: "It's only a theory". Yes, it's only an accurate, experimented, proven and peer reviewed theory yes. No, it is not necessarily accurate but then at least it's a working idea. The Theory of Gravity had holes the size of the sun in it. Relativity put pay to that. It doesn't make the mathematics behind Gravity wrong, it simply meant that the implications were not accurate so it had to be refined properly.

Stop using my language if you can't deal with this or get your shit together.

Yours faithfully,

Mr. Southey

Dear Spokesperson to the Disappointed Lapland Adventurers

2008-12-06T16:05:00.003Z

Dear Spokesperson to the Disappointed Lapland Adventurers,

While I would like to take this opportunity to sympathise for all those you represent, I'm not going to. We've all been ripped off at some time or another. Sometimes it is unavoidable and irreparable. However, most of us never have the opportunity to see it coming. This misadventure to Lapland should have been sniffed out a mile off. Allow me to explain.

The Lapland Adventure that you were all so looking forward to for your children was situated in Dorset. Anybody who has been to Dorset for any length of time that is longer than simply driving through it knows that the entire county is a hole. And not just any hole. This hole is the very model of a modern major ramshackle. You don't need extensive market acumen specific to the leisure industry to know that Dorset can't even manage an English county never mind a Winter Wonder Land.

My letter is a little late after the fact and I do apologise. I only came to notice that the story was coming out of Dorset today.

Perhaps next time if you want a Christmas experience for your children keep it at home behind closed doors where it belongs.

Get your shit together.

Yours Faithfully,
Mr. Southey.

Oh I nearly forgot

2008-12-04T12:19:00.003Z

Speaking of my useless generation: Charlie Watson is 22 today. Three more years and he'll be a quarter of a century old. I love putting ages in the context of biblical amounts of time. It's scary.

Many happy returns Charlie.

How utterly depressing

2008-12-04T11:57:00.004Z

The elderly thoroughly fucking depress me. I'm not among the ranks of the youth that simply sneer at the wrinkly and wise. I mean they genuinely make me feel utterly bloody useless. This is a shame because I do a lot of favours for the woman that dared spawn me. Outside of her matriarchal duties of telling me she worries about [apply or eliminate the following as applicable: my lack of consistent occupation/diet/sleeping habits], she manages a residential home. A damned fine one, for she shares genes with me and I am of course amazing.

Talking to some of the occupants there is a mixed experience. Some of them due to the cruel march of time are genuinely doo-lally. Others are simply stoic, facing down the onset of age with a steely resolve and almost a positive slant on the few opportunities that come before them. I had a conversation today with a lady of Ninety-Three years. It was a pleasant conversation. What thoroughly depressed me is that some people my age aren't as switched on as she was. It wasn't like she was a quantum theorist or anything. It's simply in the things that she asked about and I explained she genuinely understood and took on board.

The fact that some people at my modest age probably could video something and have it uploaded on youtube before they actually knew or understood what it was thoroughly fucking depresses me. The thing that reminds me the most is that three or four generations ago we were tough as old boots. Now we're soggy complacent wastes of what is essentially energy slowed down significantly below the speed of light. Possibly gawping at a wall. Wearing a trilby.

It's enough to make you go hang yourself. My generation disappoints me.

One Stop Moral Shop

2008-12-02T11:03:00.001Z

If you want the morals of the world in stories that aren't as old as civilisation you should watch Quincy M.E.

Popularity

2008-11-29T21:07:00.005Z

Like the ridiculous Internet harlot I am I use Facebook to abuse and insult my peers. Some of those very peers invited me to an application that rates your characteristics via a series of questions for them to answer comparing you with other friends of theirs. Like the good sport I am I started comparing my friends too because nothing say mutual friendship like preferring somebody else's suitability in a particular area.

Recently my spam filter started catching e-mails from this application that inform you of either "Your Hottest Friends", your current standing or your change in standing. Now my current standing isn't that important because my top places would include bragging about myself. I love to do this but doesn't make for interesting commentary. My hottest friends are none of your business (also I feel to that it's somewhat inaccurate because some people don't know attractive when they see it). However, my change in standing is far more interesting. Not because it says I'm cooler or prettier than other people but because it says whether I'm more or less cool or pretty than before.

(Disclaimer: I have neither been cool nor pretty in my entire existence, they were examples.)

I read one a few weeks ago and came up with some ridiculous ideas. Later on (read: After I deleted the e-mail) I realised that it would amuse me to put those ideas into prose. The next one came around today and I would like to share my thoughts. I will continue to share these thoughts so long as I feel they're interesting and so long as it isn't the same old story.

So without further ado:

For best dancer I gained 1 place.

It's true in the past month I have been tearing up the rule book on dance. I dominated the dance floor last Friday for example. It must be said this was under the extreme influence of alcohol. It was hilarious, at least the parts I can genuinely remember.

For person with the best taste in music I lost 1 place.

Naturally as time moves on and my interest in Punk, Blues, Jazz, Hip Hop, Trip Hop, Ska, Reggae, Soul, Folk, Grunge, Hardcore, Rock and Swing to name a few general areas where I am most captivated expands I am likely to conflict more and more with people who listen to Radio One as their only means to hear new music. The truth is old music is still new if you never heard it before. My musical taste is impeccable. I'm pretty sure my taste stayed where it was, other's judgement has lost a place.

For best listener I lost 1 place.

These are selfish times and I am no different. I have obviously become less and less interested in what other people have to say if it isn't "Tom you are my love, my light and my world, you are the Awesome King, will you marry me?". At which point I say no. It's just nice to hear.

For craziest I gained 1 place.

I must confess that I've been seeing this one for a while now. Up and up it goes. My mental stability is more and more in question every time these things come in. I was thinking of checking myself and go to a shrink. Except that they're money grabbing cunts and I of course am absolutely bloody bonkers.

For best dinner companion I lost 1 place.

This is natural. As my mental stability decreases I start throwing food around the restaurant the longer and longer it goes on of course the greater chance there is of me simply dropping trou at the table and shitting on the beautifully prepared food.

Dear Jackie Wilson

2008-11-29T20:55:00.003Z

Dear Jackie Wilson,

Your music has been of great entertainment to myself for a number of years and obviously countless other people for a great amount of time. That is why it pains me to ask you to prevent television from playing 'To Be Loved' from beyond the grave.

As a single young man with incredibly limited success with women the last thing I need to be reminded of at the end of a long day hunched over the sink vomiting is oh what a feeling it is to be loved.

Get your shit together.

Yours Faithfully,
Mr. Southey.

P.S. Reet Petite makes me dance around my homestead as if I weren't actually being watched by the Government. Thank-you for allowing me to provide Special Branch with such first rate entertainment.

Dear Mr. Southey

2008-11-29T20:49:00.002Z

Dear Mr. Southey,

You and your niminy, piminy little notes are inane. There is so much more you could be doing with your time.

There you are dictating terms to others when you cannot even move your own life forward without severe, alcoholic sprees of self-destruction.

It would be best for all concerned if you just let go and let Benatar hit you with her best shot.

Get your shit together.

Yours Sincerely,
Mr. Southey.

Dear Politics

2008-11-29T20:43:00.002Z

Dear Politics,
When your leaders, spokesmen, shadow-ministers and ministers can be compared to sci-fi characters either by resemblance or namesake, abandon them.

Incidentally, if you'd be so kind to remove any politician that I can make jokes about because their name is an erogenous zone on the body, I might take all your efforts and bluster more seriously.

Get your shit together.

Yours Faithfully,
Mr. Southey.

Dear Advertising Industry

2008-11-24T23:48:00.003Z

Dear Advertising Industry,

Hair does not "feel like silk" it feels like fucking hair!

Get your shit together.

Yours Faithfully,
Mr. Southey

Open Letters

2008-11-22T15:21:00.002Z

Nobody reads this. That's OK. I'm not popular on the internet. Big deal. I'd like to have a few people read this. Even if they hated it. In fact especially if they hated it. Being challenged is good for you.

However, with no readership I do not have to tailor what I write to anybody but myself. This is a good thing. I have decided I'm going to do a series of letters. These letters being openly available to any adult (as I have turned on the adult warning thing due to a child looking at what I wrote on the subject of tea-bagging and apparently I very much care not to have to deal with the dipshit parents who can't monitor their child's behaviour). They are not intended to be long and serious affairs. It certainly won't be David Cross' open letter to Larry the Cable Guy (which has humour, class and intelligence). But hey it's a little series and it keeps me distracted.

Idiots fucking annoy me. Especially after 5am.

2008-11-21T04:14:00.004Z

I hear a woman talking. She's a self styled Guru. She's telling women that people who only allow themselves to be deserving of love will be loved. This is of course ridiculous advice.

Firstly, what exactly is it that you're allowing? An innate desire, something that is hard-wired into humanity. You can no more allow this than a tidal wave being large and moist.

Secondly, what would you describe as deserving? Well that one is simple:

deserving adj 1 worthy of being given support, a reward, etc. 2 formal (usually deserving of something) worthy of it. deservingly adverb.

http://www.chambersharrap.co.uk/chambers/features/chref/chref.py/main?query=deserving&title=21st

Worth is probably the loosest way of putting it. Allow me to retort to the idea only the worthy are loved. Think of a tyrant. Any tyrant. Chances are they were/are married. Now as indications of love go I find marriage a pretty paltry one but I can't think of a more tangible indicator at this hour in the morning. These people that have held sway with populations to do as they will with them are not worthy of love, respect or admiration. They are worthy only of fear. Despite this they were married and loved.

Being loved is something that happens. The more you risk your self-worth trying to find it the better your chances. Other than that you are on your own. You will not find yourself worthy because worth isn't quantifiable like a thousand other abstract concepts such as cunning, freedom or justice. That reminds me of a Terry Pratchett quote:

...take the universe and grind it down to the finest powder and sieve it through the finest sieve and then show me one atom of justice, one molecule of mercy. And yet you act, like there was some sort of rightness in the universe by which it may be judged

Not only... but also...

2008-11-17T16:33:00.003Z

I have a friend. Yes it's true. He's called Sam. He does a radio show every Monday with some guy I do not know.

Tequila Radio

Monday's 4 - 6

As a forewarning, you'll probably vomit a little.

I'm like a child and words are my toys

2008-11-17T15:29:00.002Z

Economics (Echo - Gnomic - s)

The repeating of a sound caused by sound striking a surface and returning in pithy, moralising verses.

Considering the way some people consider economics, that isn't far off. An idea in economics (the sound) is discovered by the person (striking the surface) and is then held as the absolute truth which presents as a pundit spitting out a soundbite on network television (returning in pithy, moralising verses).

Tortured metaphors and messing about with syllabic sounds aside - Go fuck yourself. What are you doing here? There are millions of talented people on the internet. Go and waste their time if you are so intent on wasting yours.

Them and Us

2008-10-30T16:47:00.002Z

I was sorting out my dinner and I had this thought:

Could you accuse McCain Foods for partisan bias?

I bet some comedian has had this thought ten months ago and I'm about to be sued for plagiarism.

The Benatar Theory

2008-10-23T16:35:00.002+01:00

I have a theory that Pat Benatar is a demon. To be honest I kind of read her last name and I heard it in my own mind being barked out by some abyssal entity. If you ever see me, ask me to demonstrate (or I might even record it and link it here).

But the more I checked into it the more likely it is. 'Hit Me With Your Best Shot' is in fact a taunt to all demon hunters. I believe if you sing this song backwards you banish her from the mortal plane of existence.

But more and more song titles started playing to my theory. 'Hell is For Children', 'You Better Run', and even 'Promises in the Dark' - A stark warning about worshipping the Benatar, for a bargain with her is a desperate one:

Where brave and restless dreams are both won and lost
On the edge is where it seems its well worth the cost

She's on to me... I MUST AWAY

Political Discourse

2008-10-19T17:21:00.002+01:00

In keeping with my rampant xenophobia of recent. I hate America's politics. They want salt of the earth leaders. No elites! No elitists!

Shut the fuck up you crazy bastards! You want people who can not only understand more than you but are able to communicate that understanding to you concisely. This is not necessarily attainable because somebody isn't from a Washington elite.

On a more general note. If you can't achieve the above you want crafty, devious and almost unscrupulous people in charge of your governing party and your main opposition party. The more they are distracted by themselves the less they are concentrating on milking you for every penny you are worth.

That is all.

Introspection

2008-10-19T01:12:00.004+01:00

While dealing with others you may well have to combat yourself.

Not everybody is as bad as I am with people. Even so, most people have to restrain themselves in order to prevent offence or drama every now and again. I don't do this often enough and for the most part it leaves me with a lot of hassle on my hands and you should generally call it in.

However, you will be brought to that position either by yourself, by another, or a co-operative effort between the two of you warring fools. For some of you more feeling souls out there you may feel the pang of guilt I feel when you get yourself in that mess. However I find that my heart has screamed for vengeance twice as much as it has ever loved.

It occurs to me we are creatures of conflict. If you find people who you aren't ever at war with even when you disagree, you have yourself a friend and you'd be a fool to let it slip.

That is all. I just wanted to do some writing, I'm going to bed now.

Bad Habits

2008-10-16T02:05:00.002+01:00

I have a few bad habits. One of them is staying up late for no reason. Most of the time it's because I was out late at the weekend and then there's no reason to be up the next day. I'm currently in one of those cycles. It was a friend's birthday on Saturday. 'So what?' nobody asks...

I am killing time until I'm tired. And that time is being killed here. I have been neglecting my writing. I'm not a good writer in any sense of the word. I have a modest skill for articulation but I have no form. No pace or rhythm to what I'm typing/scribbling. I only usually do it as catharsis. In early years it was to show off. "Look how weird and funny I am". "Pay attention to me". If I didn't write it down I'd only end up muttering to myself when I thought I was alone. I caught myself more recently doing this again. But no longer is it funny stuff. It's not weird crap, slanted perspective to draw laughs. I have begun to sound out what my opinion is on a subject, any subject, and what my considerations are in order to reach them. It is good to know what I think given a subject, but it is not good to get caught doing it.

What am I saying? Nothing much. As I said above, I'm just killing time.

Propaganda: A guide to ground level population control.

2008-10-15T00:51:00.002+01:00

My knowledge of propaganda as a science is limited. But that which I do see I see almost everywhere. I see it from politicians: Often now considered spin rather than propaganda. I see it from media: Sound bite their pundits and hold them as gospel truth. But worst of all I see it from their puppets, us: When we espouse somebody's platform, often with malcontent and tones of relief as if our messiah had come.

It's this third one that kills me the most. It's pathetic. I see it a lot in Britain. People think themselves the suppressed when the facts say nothing of the sort. It's a foul tactic and it makes me shudder. And don't think I get away from my own judgement. I chastise myself for such behaviour. And you should too. You have an opinion. You are welcome to it. Don't give it unless you're willing to discuss it with people not only who agree with you but people who disagree with you.

This is all preamble of course. Britain is never as bad as the British think. With the rise and expansion of the internet though I do hear a lot of Americans carrying on about their poor opinions and how nobody listens and how the media is geared against them. On both sides. It's incredulous that a people when given the right to express themselves freely as part of their founding constitution can think they are suppressed. They are often ignored, but that could be because all of the loud ones are gas bags such as myself.

Perhaps I keep encountering the idiots but every single one of those I do encounter manipulate and ruin my beloved language. And not in the traditional Anglo-American gripes about spelling the word colour. It's an old trick of propaganda to warp and manipulate words for common parlance to use as insults or manipulations.

In the States the Right has a habit of butchering the word Liberal. Confusing it with "Left-leaning", "hippy", and "socialist". That very much sums up American education for me. Anybody who associates Liberals with Socialists are idiots. Socialists advocate state-control of society, property, industry and economics. Liberals advocate state separation from these things. Consider the root word: LIBERTY! But there, Liberalism isn't that, it's some kind of movement for destruction that will steal your babies at night.

If you're a Liberal in America, your opponents consider you 'Unamerican', whatever that means. It's a modern apparition. What happened to the word treason? What happened to the word antithesis? Why is it that people feel the need to make everything 'un' this and 'un' that to any word no matter how incompatible with the format? It's a bloody travesty!

This rant was very much inspired by the straw that broke this camel's back: Protestthemedia.com

There's a whole rant about America being taken over by socialists. That Liberal protest was heard but theirs was not by the media. Really? Well what was all that last Eight years of George Bush? Was that not your vote? You won! What the hell are you complaining about? What could you possibly need from the media that the Government you voted for can't give you?

It's always the tortured winners that whine the most. Even bad losers shut the fuck up at some point. And this is what it boils down to. If they don't make you feel like they aren't in danger you won't rally to the status quo come what may. Propaganda forces you. Either to sit still or stand up. It compells you. It takes away from you your first true right in modern times. To choose as your conscience judges the time to stand and speak and the time to sit down and enjoy what's being said. Don't listen to anything or anybody who wants you to immediately without thought do the following:

Sit still and be quiet
Stand up and be counted

You do so at your leisure. You even choose to take on what I'm saying right now at your own leisure. All you need are pure facts. If you have those you can pass judgement on a situation. Propaganda wants to force you to make a knee-jerk decision on everything, especially how your government should work and who's to blame for whatever's a mess. These are not the things you are required to make decisions on immediately and nor should you. People who try to manipulate you into this are deplorable and need to be faced down.

Now don't get me wrong, you can make your own decision and disagree with me totally. I'm just asking you to think your decision through about what you think. That way when we discuss it we can actually discuss rather than you sling mud at me and I tell you you're an asshat who trolls the internet. I have picked on the right today because it's the Right that have wound me up today. So some Far right bag of cocks will find this and comment calling me a fucking hippy-liberal. I believe in liberal economics, I can't fucking stand hippies. And you will have missed the point.

I'm angry and it's 2am. I have to be up in five hours or so to work. So just to get out my system: anybody who just read all that just to hate me hates democracy and the right to free expression. You don't like it? Go live in fucking China with the rest of the oligarchs.

A note to those who are lax with English

2008-10-03T17:46:00.002+01:00

There are many of you from all backgrounds and creeds speaking English that need to learn a spelling distiction between two words that definately don't mean the same thing.

Lose

and

Loose.

People who substitute lose for loose are no less than the status of Rapists.

You're fucking welcome.

Money and how other people are destroying you.

2008-09-29T07:28:00.003+01:00

Everybody has an opinion on the credit crunch and other problems with the economy. Most of them are self-styled pundits or experts. Some of them are in office, some of them wish to be in office. Most people who know nothing about economics notice only politicians seem to want to talk about it en masse. As a lowly unskilled worker with a functioning brain I decided to read more and develop my own opinion and this is my thing so this is where I can go unheard even though I speak.

Government is not responsible. They have a treasury from which they tax us. There are many punitive taxes that they could have eased on a tiny amount in order to relieve the pressure and ease public disquiet. This could have been done by the British government easily. They only end up borrowing for this so called crisis anyway.

Who is responsible?

In matters of money it is traders. It is business. Economy is based on this and then it tends to get regulated by government. This is where they seem to pick up the blame from some people who don't understand or people who have an agenda. People with agendas are a whole other blog post. Those with an approach towards wealth distribution seem to think an economy is something to save the 'working man' from, this despite the workforce could benefit from it. They accuse of not enough regulation. Those with an approach geared towards business blame too much regulation, suggesting strangulation of the market. It turns out that the very mechanisms we can benefit from get some rules and they follow them and can make money. The current crisis has been one where they have been free to dish out credit with a little less means to pay it back. We've had a recent age of global prosperity. We thought good times would never end. They have, and creditors are shutting the door.

What do I reckon needs to be done?

There are many creditors that have to liquidate debt. There is a lot of nationalisation occurring in the last few months. Let me be clear on that because that can be a loaded word to some. It screams communism to some while it reassures others. Nationalization is the process of bringing an industry under state control or ownership. That's the very definition. This to me isn't communism specifically. It's fascism. It's authoritarian in nature. It's being done out of panic though. We are not staring down the barrel of a gun quite yet. Government need to at least be seen to be doing something. The truth is government should stay out of business. Government's concern should be to help shore up individuals. This would allow guilty businesses to go under while it's customers are helped to get off the mat.

Why Tom? Why? That makes no sense to me? Why do you want businesses to go under?

Allow me to put it this way. Business should be Darwinian in nature. Those that can adapt should have to. If it can't it should get out of the money making business. Economists scream for a lack of regulation but every time there's trouble the government has to start stepping in. It's hypocrisy. Bad debt, guilty creditors, banks borrowing more than they can truly pay back should go under because they aren't the right people to be allowed to continue.

What would that achieve?

In truth this would not help things immediately. We would experience a downturn still. However, this downturn would be short-lived. It wouldn't be a great depression. There's no exact figure of time to of how long it would exist but it allows something that will be required of all companies of value to be doing what they need to be doing now: Re-build their capital. If you have some money to spend, you have money to be made.

What's actually happening now? Is it right?

I just saw on the news that the Fed is bailing out America's banks to the tune of 700 Billion Dollars (American Dollars, obviously). America's national debt is already ridiculous because of foreign adventures (whether you view them just or unjust, that's a different issue, it still costs money). Further burden on the American tax-payer is a terrible idea. That will strangle business more than any regulation. Tax is straight up bad for business. If you have to pay your tax and there's nothing much left to spend, how are some of the more expensive products going to be bought? How will people afford to invest and stimulate the economy? It just won't happen because Home comes first.

In Britain right now, this morning we are buying our second mortgage book. We already have a hole in our national debt that is huge. In part this is something that was required to fix public services. As our American cousins so often remind their own people while forgetting we're listening and getting offended (not that they much care, even for their allies), we have socialist public services. A broadcasting system paid by license fee, the National Health Service and comprehensive state-funded education. These are not the evil Stalinist measures they'd have you believe but they are expensive to run correctly for the benefit of the workforce. We also have troops invested elsewhere in the world and that burns money too. We can't really afford to be flipping the bill for two banks that lent and borrowed too much. The savings of the bank are being bought out by the private sector anyway. We're taking the debt. The unprofitable part. We're not seeing that money again. It's such a bad move. We also have punitive petrol taxes and harsh inflation that was the tail end of an economic cycle. But it all came at once and was blamed on the incumbent Prime-minister. His role in the debt we built up as Chancellor of the Exchequer can't be ignored but he didn't cause this. Left to others we might not be in as much trouble but we'd be in the grip of ill-educated children and sick workers who can't afford private healthcare.

I'm not sorry that was long. It's a complicated opinion. A further note. In matters of money never panic. Do what you need to do. Panicking stops you from doing the logical thing. Panic inflates prices. Don't do it to me, don't do it to yourself.

Simple ramblings of a ridiculous prat.

2008-09-21T12:48:00.003+01:00

Watching the advertising in between a show I caught myself thinking this earlier today:

"Bring me your culture. Bring me your beliefs. Bring me your fears and dreams. Your greed. Your culture. Your principals. We shall sacrifice them on the alter of commerce, for we are the High Priests of Advertising and nothing is spared in our crusade."

Yeah, I felt it was a bit of an absurd exaggeration too.

It's the end of the world.

2008-09-10T16:20:00.001+01:00

Oh wait. We didn't. Big fucking shock. Panicy motherfuckers.

Read at your own risk.

2008-09-07T18:19:00.002+01:00

I'm a kink and I'm a freak and I'm all of those outmoded, unthinking labels you jump to when you find what I say and do offensive. You don't think tea-bagging is funny? Then this place is not for you. I hate nosey adolescents. They invariably become disapproving adults. And they tend to get a piece of my mind too.

More tea vicar?

2008-09-07T12:50:00.002+01:00

I mocked this up.

I'm fairly pleased with it. Simple, yet elegant.

If those are your balls, no copyright infringement was intended and you can tell me to take it down with no argument.

Intrusive Platitudes for Life

2008-06-21T15:19:00.004+01:00

I use StumbleUpon. It drains my life. However, if it weren't StumbleUpon it would be something else.
I stumbled on to this page.

This list was there and I felt I could help provide you with Mr. Southey's guide to killing platitudes. Pseudo-philosophy will distract you from doing your own thing well simply making you feel good about yourself now and preventing you from wanting more from yourself. So without further ado:

Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully

Have you ever heard: "give them an inch and they'll take a mile". If you're going to give out then sure do it gracefully and maybe with a bit of cheer, but come on! Some people expect more because they're spoiled brats.

Memorize your favorite poem

Yes. You too can be the prick who quotes the same piece of information that stirred you when you were fifteen. Memorize everything that has ever been interesting to you. If you forget something it wasn't interesting enough or you didn't try hard enough. Some poetry drones on for pages. Some pretentious cunt is going to memorize the whole thing because they read the above. Brain power better served learning something practical so as to actually improve your life.

Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want

If you have surrounded yourself with the incompetent and untrustworthy, not believing all you hear is perfect advice. By your twenties you are likely to be in a set personality. You will already know what you will believe and what you won't for the rest of your life. You could say you changed your mind, and that's OK but for the most part, a sudden change in belief is like a sudden change in personality which is a symptom of something wrong with your brain. Incidentally, spend all you can afford to spend, there's an economic slow down/recession caused by panicked voodoo-speculators on Wall Street. Sleep all you need to. You will feel less tired the rest of the day if you get up the first time you wake up and have a staunch breakfast.

When you say, "I love you", mean it

Bullshit. As a full time drunk I can attest the limitless proclaimations of love you will hear on a weekly basis from some of the most unlikely sources. When somebody says 'I love you', you say it back regardless. If you have no romantic feeling for them and they are seriously trying to proclaim their love for you tell them that when the situation becomes clear to you. Never, I repeat, NEVER return 'I love you' with something other than 'I love you', you will look like a jackass.

When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye

When you say anything to a person, look them in the eye unless you have some condition that makes that a very hard thing to do. If you can't look people in the eye because it makes you uncomfortable looking into people's eyes, look at the bridge of their nose. If you're lying, lack of eye contact is not the only give away so don't think you can get away with it.

Be engaged at least six months before you get married

Never get engaged and never get married. Marriage is an outmoded institution designed for people who often wouldn't live to see their 30s and 40s. People who are married all their life have put a lot of commitment in there partly in fear of their deity. If you actually want to spend the rest of your lives together, then just do it. You don't need some license for that. Don't let a tax-break seduce you.

Believe in love at first sight

More importantly, believe whatever the hell you like, but don't try to force it on others. But in this case you don't fall in love with somebody the moment you see them. Some people are attracted to people the moment they see them but have an upbringing which told the particulars of why a man and a woman (or any variation thereupon) feel attraction for each other and that is love. They are attracted and that means they can only think it's love, so it's love at first sight. Calling lust love, does not make lust love. Try just being attracted to somebody and just sort of accepting that. You might feel a little less weird.

Never laugh at anyone's dreams

I have a friend called Greg. He dreamt once that he made a lift (an elevator) out of balloons. I will laugh at that. A lot. Never laugh at anybody's ambitions and aspirations. This is Thomas Southey's Campaign for the Use of Unambiguous Language When You aren't Craking a Joke (CUULWYCJ). It's not a popular movement.

Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely

Love is a deep and passionate emotion. You may as well say 'angst with worry'. And it's not that you might get hurt. You are going to get hurt. Stop giving yourself a get out clause. If you don't get hurt, I'm wrong. If you're going to be wrong about something, it might as well be about that. You can live life completely without love. Part of human life is self-awareness. Many people forgo this and go straight for companionship. Problem is, if that falls apart you don't have an image of yourself on your own to fall back on. Love because you love somebody, not because you can't love yourself is what I'm saying I guess.

In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling

If we disagree and you are being a cunt I will call you a cunt. I will not shy away from name calling. Especially accurate name calling. Labels are a method of escalating a discussion. It's very helpful for bringing diplomatic people out of their comfort zone. They choose their words carefully because they want to spin their way out of looking like they picked the wrong side. Push them. Make them feel like they are personally under attack as opposed to defending a point of view. You'll soon force that mistake out of them where they will say what they think not what they think you can't argue with.

Don't judge people by their relatives. "NO KIDDING"

OK. That's a fair point. For the most part. Sometimes though you have a nasty family unit. It's not genetic, it's learned behaviour. If you have a bastard for a father and a twat for a mother, you will excel at being both those things unless you seriously know that such behaviour is anathema. Early development in childhood is judged against the parents. Teenage development is also judged against the parents only at this point, it's just as likely a person fell in with the wrong crowd. But the parents will still get the blame. The sites proclamation of "NO KIDDING" is apparently unaware that this happens. You should know this fact that people do judge you by your relatives. That way you can act impeccably and maybe you'll defy expectation.

Talk slow but think quick

Talk normally. Think normally. Thinking quickly is a lie. Alright, maybe more a myth. If you have thought about something before you have already laid the groundwork for 'thinking quick'. Funny people are funny off the cuff because they have genuinely funny minds. They have probably discussed, thought about or even used ideas before. Talking slowly makes you look like you're auditioning for an American soap-opera. Talk normally when you know what you're saying. At best just try to avoid talking fast altogether. I make that mistake a lot and half my words will come out mangled.

When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

No. When somebody asks you a question you don't want to answer you smile and say "Mind your own business". The smile is crucial as to not cause offence. But the question promotes dialogue. The conversation will not stop at "why do you want to know?". Make a closed, negative statement. Use it nicely.

Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk

There is no risk in great love. You can love somebody or something a lot before you have to make any risk. Some great achievements involve great luck separate from an event of great risk i.e. the discovery of penicillin. Try taking more risks though. You get lucky more often. And when you don't, pick yourself up and give it another crack or give something else a go.

Call your mom

Call her what?

Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze

I'm not one for superstition and that practise is steeped in it. However, it's still polite. Still when somebody sneezes perhaps you could probably get involved better by asking them if they are alright.

When you lose, don't lose the lesson

When you lose, you do forget that there are morals to be taken from experience. So I do agree with the above. But did it really need to be that corny?

Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions

I remember when the three R's were Reading, Writing and Arithmetic. The above could probably be done more succinctly. You are your own master, respect your serfs and your peers alike. Nah, I guess not.

Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship

If it's the nineteenth little dispute in 18 months and they dress you down when you tried to help them, cut 'em off. You don't need dead weight.

When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it

Or you could stand by it. Recognise it as a mistake. Admit it as a mistake. But just because it's a mistake doesn't mean you must bring your situation back to status-quo. Look at the lay of the land. If you're better off making something new then do that instead.

Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice

That's just silly. A caller will hear if you are happy or miserable because you are happy or miserable. If you are miserable but have a smile you will still sound miserable.

Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, his/her conversational skills
will be as important as any other

Don't get married. If it was conversation skills that were important, instant messaging not porn would be the most prevalent thing on the internet.

Spend some time alone

If you have an introverted personality. Extroverted personalities struggle to focus when they haven't got somebody to bounce ideas off/impress/feed off of. They should learn a little alone time focus. Give extroverts a task to do on their own that they can come back and show off to others about. that should help them focus. Conversely, introverts struggle with things to say to people in groups of people. If you think you have an introverted friend they probably prefer to listen anyway but you should ask them leading questions. they have opinions they just don't know whether now is the time to bring them up.

Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values

Why bother opening your arms to change then? You're only going to bend things to your values, compromising the idea. Either hold to values (many value systems emphasise tradition and avoiding change), or go to change. Just don't kill anybody.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer

When asked a question, silence is the searing sound of betrayal. Answer truthfully. Man up and accept your consequence. If you are silent, you won't be considered.

Read more books and watch less TV

Information and education can be acquired anywhere. A book as fiction is not better for you just because it's more detailed. Look for the gems in all media.

Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time

Live a good, honourable life because it makes you happy, because it doesn't hurt people. Not because you want to relive it when you have a catheter and you are a shadow of your youth.

Trust in God but lock your car

Cop out of the century. A blatant admittance that God will not actually provide. That's a misinterpretation that gets right on my nerves. People genuinely believe that by being a good Christian you will get all you need. The passages that outline this are clear that when you are satiated by food and luxury and whatnot you will still be hungry. It is that hunger that God will provide for. But no, apparently even the protestants have stopped looking at the bible line by line for context to the moral now.

A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home

Atmosphere of any description can be built anywhere. Make your home comfortable. Let relaxation do the rest.

In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past

If the past is part of the wider issue you shouldn't ignore it.

Read between the lines

But beware, more people than you think communicate explicitly. Don't force it.

Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality

There is no immortality. Proof positive in all those quotes accredited to 'Anon.'.

Be gentle with the earth

Just be gentle all told if you want something done. Heavy handed actions are threats, they aren't problem solvers.

Pray. There's immeasurable power in it

It's immeasurable because there is nothing to measure. You are talking to something that is not there. There is immeasurable power in doing. Praying is religious masturbation.

Never interrupt when you are being flattered

Moreover, you should say thank you. It might seem conceited to some people, but to disregard a complement shows no respect.

Mind your own business

The world is full of hypocrites. Let them be.

Don't trust a man/woman who doesn't close his/her eyes when you kiss them

They aren't plotting your murder. Some people don't close their eyes. It's kind of weird when you open yours and they are already looking at you though.

Once a year, go someplace you've never been before

Most likely leaving you to go back to a place you'll be constantly in until next year: poverty.

If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction

Wealth's greatest satisfaction is snorting cocaine off of the arse of a hooker. Charity can satisfy all.

Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck

Sometimes what we want is what we really need. That wouldn't be lucky.

Learn the rules then break some

When there are rules, there's a game. If you break the rules, you lose. Learn the rules, win the game.

Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other

I believe I've moved towards this above so I can't really disagree.

Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it

Judge your success on how much you wanted it. The only sacrifice you shouldn't make is what you think is right.

Remember that your character is your destiny

There is no destiny. Get amongst it. Go achieve your ambition and stop listening to any old hack (including me) on the internet.

Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon

And you will burn your pans if you know what I mean.

The Sarcasm Mark

2008-06-14T19:13:00.003+01:00

I am known to be a very sarcastic person. Sometimes I'm credited as such more often than is strictly true and off-colour remarks I make in written form can be considered sarcastic or even ironic once in a blue moon when I am in fact being serious and the truth is absurd or hard to swallow.

I have been, for some while now, in search of an adequate punctuation solution to this problem. Surely something so widespread in at least the English speaking world would have some form of punctuation even if it were some outdated and obscure construction from the 15th century? Well apparently not. There has been a recent move towards it. If you think about it the attitude that sarcasm is a lower form of parlance it's not hard to conclude why they wouldn't have started to come up with ideas to show sarcastic intent. As to why now? Well any idiot can sign up for a blogger account and talk about the lack of a sarcasm mark these days.

Some suggestions have emerged through a way to bring sarcasm to the attention of those being mocked. The innovations created in order to create it have been simple solutions to complex problems. Some of them using simple html tags and others using little or entirely unused punctuation in English drawn from other languages such as the inverted exclamation mark.

These solutions however aren't necessarily the most accessible though, and can become quite a chore having to set them up as a shortcut on your keyboard if you wish to type in anything other than html on an English keyboard. An instant message for example would become a chore.

One example though caught my eye. The use of a tilde. You all know what a tilde is but you might not know it by name. Allow me to demonstrate:

~

That is a tilde. It's been suggested that using a tilde after the offending sentence would alert the reader to a hidden meaning and to re-read the sentence again so that the tone of what would be the verbal could be set. I'd love to bring this kind of thing to a popular use so that it can become a new part of our modern language. An example of it's use for the confused can be read as so:

"I think your shirt is well worth the money you paid for it.~"

So there you have it. The sarcasm mark. Other kinds of marks have been proposed long before by a French poet who needed to bend tone around cold words. Try looking at this to see what I mean.

So sorry if that bored you.~

How to alienate and why you should.

2008-06-07T00:57:00.000+01:00

I have not been on planet Earth very long. But in that time I've been an incredible amount of awesome. When you are the very embodiment of all that is amazing about the universe and life in general you forget that others are not always doing too well.

This on it's own is forgiveable as long as they know where they are going wrong. The true use of life is not to be a good (insert religious persuasion here) or to make a baby. The true purpose is to improve as much as you can about anything you are or have been. For example, I have been a pupil/student, I make it imperative to learn about anything that interests me and anything that's peripheral to that information. I don't have to do it all now, I just have to do it now and again, thus improving myself. If I am unhappy I do something that makes me happier. I do not complain about how sad I am and then continue to be sad. That gets on my nerves. There are times when life will kick you in the tits. That is when you can be sad, but to complain about it without trying to do anything about it is ridiculous.

Removing these people from your life after trying hard to help them not feel sad as best as you're able is a good reason to know how you should alienate somebody. Yes, they'll be sad about it. But if it's not that then it's something else.

Another good reason (although less applicable to me recently) is if somebody brings out the worst possible characteristics in you. If you are in love with somebody and they don't requite that feeling, that's a bummer. If that makes you want to stab babies, it's time to remove that person from your life.

Drastically altering your relationship with somebody is difficult in emotional terms. But in physical terms it's very easy.

Step 1: Let there be fireworks - When somebody is starting to go off on you about something, anything at all, if it's not pertinent to what you have actually done it's your opportunity to make this step. You will feel guilt. That's OK. Burying your emotions is fine for a few months, so man up and get involved. They for example could be grieving over a friend's death and in your effort to console them they misinterpret what you're saying. If at that point they decide to make an example of you, and lecture about what they expect of you in the recent past, present and future, even if they then try to take it back, it's time to let them go.

If you can, call them a cunt on a time delay. An e-mail with the subject line "When you're ready to talk" where you say that they are a cunt and they shouldn't look back. That'd do the trick. Or an answer phone message at 4am. That'd be fucking harsh too. You want to make this move as inconvenient and as cuntish as possible.

Step 2: Remove all avenues of communication. E-Mail address? Block it. Social networking sites? Delete them from your contacts/friends list and make sure your account is on ultra privacy mode. IM? Delete them from that too as well as blocking them. Delete their number from your phone, remove any instance you can find of it. If you can, change your number. Likelihood is you won't hear from them again anyway. But if you want it known that you are bending over backwards in order to cause complete ostracism don't hold back. If you feel really angry, burn any picture you ever got of them. Even if they were always camera shy around you and you have like two. It's cathartic, and also symbolic of your commitment to their complete alienation.

Step 3: Now the only instance of their life overlapping with yours is in the physical world. They'll be angry too from step one. But they're probably the kind of idiot who gives you a second chance to suspect you of being nasty for the rest of their unworthy life. You may well have some of the same friends, I wouldn't talk about it to your friends much. That way if they start drawing lines, the drama was caused by them. And if they don't, no drama. If they are walking past you, get eye contact for a split second, try to not look like anything. They won't know what you're thinking exactly and they'll want to stay away from you, possibly out of your sight even amongst mutual friends.

Congratulations. You've dealt with the stupid cunt who seemed to expect the world of you when they showed you no affection, interest or loyalty.

(In case it escaped your notice, I'm drawing from a recent event.)

Anti-Violence

2008-05-23T08:31:00.006+01:00

Google's (Blogger's specifically) content policy has this to say on the matters of violence:

VIOLENT CONTENT: Users may not publish direct threats of violence against any person or group of people.
(Blogger's Content Policy)

With this in mind I'd like to make the following statement.

I hope all these people don't get butchered to death in their sleep because they are insufferable pricks.

Piers Morgan.
Richard Littlejohn.
Gordon Ramsey.
Jennifer Lopez.
Chris De Burgh.

That is all.

2008-05-16T12:22:00.000+01:00

People have a problem pronouncing my last name.

Here.

I hope it chokes you.

Simplicity never had it so complicated.

2008-03-31T18:17:00.000+01:00

I found this place http://darkcopy.com/ it says that it is:

"a simple, full-screen text editor for distraction free writing.

DarkCopy is for anyone who enjoy the simplicity of a typewriter, and wants to increase productivity by focusing only on writing. It was created as a free, web-based clone of WriteRoom.

Go ahead and try it! Simply start typing and toggle to full-screen editing mode to clear your mind."

So I used it. Slightly stream of consciousness except I'm not a drug-addled hippy and I knocked out a rubbish conclusion in around two minutes. I could have cleaned that whole sentence up by simply saying I hadn't planned on anything that was typed down but here it is anyway.

Hi how are you doing?

It's dead simple what I'm trying to ignore. And it isn't distractions. Distractions are merely a weakness in attention and are not the fault of the distractions but a symptom of an inattentive mind.

My mind is afflicted by such things. But this is because I think hard. This has nothing to do with the simplicity of the typewriter. It has no bearing on my ability to articulate what I'm trying to communicate at all. It's a means to an end and stuff such as this makes me believe we have given up on bettering ourselves. Honing our mind to a point sharper than any steel.

Modernity and all its gadgetry has better uses. Spell check for example. This isn't something that necessarily says you cannot spell or structure your sentences properly. But something that brings order to the chaos we shout down into our fingers and onto a screen. In the pursuit of our betterment we rush our selves. In the expediency to bring comment we forget our structure and allow a thought to fly out unstructured and therein potentially incomprehensible.

If this is the case, and none of this is what I am trying to ignore then what is it? It is the things that slow us down. A hunt for progress decries all that slows it down as much as all that slows down progress decries the speed at which it appears to go.

Progression is met with suspicion by tradition. And tradition is met with a continuum of feeling from caution and playful irreverence to downright revulsion and opposition.

I won't be the first to have said any of that. And that is fine. Everybody wants to be first. Ability to do something is not a race to the finish line. It is the quality at which we cross the finish line that is most important. And many understand that. Especially those who hold with the most extremes of tradition and progression. They agree it is quality we need to finish with but quality in exactly what is where they disagree. It might be morality, it might be ability or it may even be presence of mind lacking entirely either of those things.

But worst comes to worst, we always know that at least there's nudity.

If you're upset

2008-03-12T15:44:00.000Z

If I have upset you in anyway I have a generic three step coping strategy for all of you...

1. Sob into your novels.
2. Deny the wisdom of Tom; voiding your right to enter the kingdom of awesome.
3. Drown in Gin soaked tears.

Glad I could help.

British people... give yourself pennies.

2008-02-29T01:00:00.000Z

Here is a reputable survey site based in the UK. It gives you small amounts of cash which you can claim after you reach £50 or more. if you like money for stuff you probably have an opinion on already then go there.

I should say something funny at this point. I'm not going to.

That's another fine mess you've got me into

2008-02-28T04:08:00.000Z

Yet again, I have deferred my leisure time to suggestions made by my peers. And yet again I know I will regret it.

Not only am I as mediocre as all the other morons on sites such as this; forming the typed equivalent of a gormless stare; I am also guilty of buying into it's importance, if only for the seconds it takes to set up an account such as this.

Thank you Charles! That's another fine mess you've gotten me into.